Introduction
Welcome to the Accipiter.org Press Center. Here you will find information
on Accipiter.org, as well as its interests including development, staff,
staff development, and possibly chicken. Contact information for
journalists and members of the press is also available on this page, as
well as archives of past press releases.
Boilerplate:
About Accipiter.org
Established in 2000 as a personal website, Accipiter.org has grown into an
even larger personal website. Currently the industry leader in dynamic
llama imaging as well as boasting web-standards compliance, Accipiter.org
also has emerged as a developer in the fields of open source software,
entertainment, interactive internet technologies, image display and
organization, and more.
Press contact: press@accipiter.org
Current Release
Accipiter.Org Discovers New Visual Stimulus Source
ATLANTA, GA - October 23, 2003 -
A revolutionary discovery has been made in the field of visual-to-manual
self-stimulation thanks to an unexpected source. Accipiter.org, the
industry leader in dynamic llama imaging, announced a stunning discovery
on Wednesday. QuikTrip, a chain of convenience stores and travel centers
has been found to offer a low-cost, portable method for self-stimulation
and gratification in the form of their 64-ounce fountain cup.
"She's totally hot," said Accipiter.org chairman and founder Christopher
R. Curzio, indicating the image of the female mountain-climber pictured on
the side of the cup. "I was just sitting at my computer and the cup was on
my desk. I looked over, and immediately the image just grabbed me. I was
shocked at my own discovery."
The fountain cup, originally designed to hold 64 ounces of several
available fountain-distributed beverages from the Tulsa, Oklahoma-based
chain, seems to indeed have this side-effect. "After conducting several
independent tests on my own," Curzio continued, "I've determined that this
image is indeed one of the greatest visual-aides for self-gratification
I've seen in a long while." When asked for comment, David Brooks -
Accipiter.org's Chief Autoerotician - stated,
"MmmnngngUngnNGunNGGGNNGGnNFFF!" His office door remained closed.
According to QuikTrip, the cups with this particular image have been out
of print for some time, undoubtedly making quantities extremely limited.
"It's disappointing," said James Roten, Accipiter.org's Executive
Coordinator of Load Distribution. "While unplanned, these cups have found
a market that may have been explosively receptive to such an image. This
is truly a unique breakthrough in self-stimulation visual aides, and it is
falling by the wayside."
Microsoft representatives were unavailable for comment.
About Accipiter.org
Established in 2000 as a personal website, Accipiter.org has grown into an
even larger personal website. Currently the industry leader in dynamic
llama imaging as well as boasting web-standards compliance, Accipiter.org
also has emerged as a developer in the fields of open source software,
entertainment, interactive internet technologies, image display and
organization, and more.